30 April, 2009 |

Enforcing Lethally with The Justifier!

Early last week I received a bit of junk mail containing coupons to local shops. I disregarded it quickly and left it to sit upon the mail pile. Fortunately, my wife’s curiosity led her to perusing the ad in which was contained coupons to the local geek shop. The place is a real mess and prices very, but you will visit some seedy places to scratch a retro-gaming urge. A buy one get one free offer planned at least a brief part of my Saturday for me.

Entering the shop is a bit intimidating as it feels more like someones long unattended attic. There are treasures sure, but also the chance that Leatherface makes his home somewhere near the old comics in the back. I have it a bit easier as most of the video game merchandise is a straight shot from the entrance. Lately I have been yearning for something fun for the Sega CD I acquired not long ago. This is certainly the saddest portion of this shops games, while the copy of Mad Dog McCree was in good shape I saw little reason to grab it. The friends I brought along for protection though began spreading out and I had to leave the safety of the game aisle that I knew well. Thank goodness for uncharted territory, for sitting atop a pile of God only knows what was a complete in box copy of Lethal Enforcers for the Sega CD. Peering inside and seeing that baby blue Justifier light gun had me immediately return to that copy of Mad Dog McCree.  That is a 2 for 1 that made it all worthwhile.

This is quite a large box, kind of like the ones old Porn VHS would come in (you remember those boxes, you would seem them when you peeked into the Adults Only section of the rental store).  Notice it is rated MA-17, sounds about as naughty as the porn too!

This box was not just to get the notice of perverts though, it had a purpose. So lets see whats inside…

Oh and here is Mad Dog McCree…it is just awful. I do not think ANYONE misses the games of American Laser Games. On the plus side they gave the Sewer Shark team someone to look down on.

Cautions on the use of “The Justifier” (from the Lethal Enforcers manual) Italics below are my personal interpretations…

1. “The Justifier” is a precision instrument. Strong physical impact may break it (they are not really sure). Never hit with it or throw it. (Besides, with the cord attached it will not go far)

2. Do not touch the jack of “The Justifier” or bend or pull the cord strongly (it is just not that kind of peripheral). Do not damage the muzzle, point “The Justifier” at the sun, stop it up, or get it wet. (for good measure we should also avoid feeding it after midnight)

3. When storing “The Justifier”, keep it away from very hot or very cold places. Also keep it out of direct sunlight (for like Dracula, “The Justifier” to will be destroyed by the coming dawn), away from heaters, and away from places that have a lot of dust or moisture. (Basic housekeeping is crucial for “The Justifier”)

4. When cleaning dirt off “The Justifier”, never use thinner, benzene or other harsh chemicals. (Shouldn’t all the other rules prevent dirt enough!)

5. Do not point “The Justifier” at a person (as this will be embarassing for you). Never take it apart or try to rebuild it. (Did you not learn anything from Terminator 2)

6. This product cannot be used with projection TVs, LCD TVs, high-speed scanning TVs, high-definition TVs, or wide TVs.  (Okay so only older TVs, got it!)

7. This product may not work with some old TV models. (in fact any successful functionality is sheer luck and is not endorsed by Konami)

8. Do not use “The Jusitifer” outdoors (as this will embarass your family and friends). It may not work indoors with direct sunlight. (your home requires a roof for successful functionality)

9. While playing the game, do not use an infrared-type remote control device (to turn off the TV or VCR, for example). If used, sometimes the game will not function properly. (that and never, ever cross the streams)

10. If you have any fluorescent lights near the TV screen, “The Justifier” may not function properly. Either move the light or turn it off. (“The Jusitfier” is a fearful of cancer from fluorescent lighting, and fluorescent lighting blocks the power of God)

11. When playing a game that is not compatible with “The Justifier”, always remove “The Justifier” from control jack 2. (Really this is to avoid “The Justifier” discovering your infidelity and causing you much grief, I once left one plugged in while playing Sonic 2. Now “The Justifier” has the kids and the house…that bitch)

Until Next Time, the power is yours…

Your comment:

Name (required)

Mail (requried)

Website